Bad Positions
by Karkahn
Summary: Hehehe, Seras walks in and sees Alucard on Integra, what's going on there? And Walter can't keep it up? Poor guy... PG13 for suggestive situations and yaoi jokes!
1. Twits and Gay Hats?

Karkahn: This is for all of us who think with a sick mind! And also those who love the Alucard X Integra pairing as much as me! Alucard? 

Alucard: Karkahn does not own me, Integra, Seras, or anything Hellsing. She only owns her name.

Karkahn: And I said very, very good!

Bad Moments

Seras moved quickly through the Hellsing Manor as she looked for her master. He had mentioned something about playing with Integra and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted know but she needed to talk to him. As she neared Integra's door she could hear her arguing with Alucard.

"ALUCARD! **GET OFF**!"

"WELL I CAN'T IN THIS POSITION! JUST SHIFT YOUR HIPS!"

"I CAN'T WHEN YOU'RE ON THEM!"

"WELL I CAN'T MOVE NOW!"

_**"THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM YOU OVER-SIZED LEECH! MOVE!"  
**_  
_**"I CAN'T! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ABUSIVE TWIT!"**_

"_**TWIT!**_ DO I LOOK PREGANT TO YOU?"

"FROM THIS POSITION, _**YES**_!"

"IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN GET OFF!"

"I CAN'T! CAN YOU REACH IT!"

"NO! YOU DO IT! YOU'RE CLOSER!"

"I CAN'T REACH!"

**"THERE'S A SHOCK! BLOOD-BREATHE CAN'T DO SOMETHING!"  
**  
**_"HEY!"_**

"YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE!"

"YOU'RE JUST MAD THAT YOU'RE _**ENJOYING**_ THIS!"

"ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS!"

"SORRY! I DON'T DREAM ABOUT _**YOU**_!"

"HAVING MORE FANTASIES ABOUT ANDERSON ARE YOU!"

_**"HEY! YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"  
**_  
"OR WHAT! YOU'LL BITE ME!"

"YES!"

"OH GO GET ANDERSON HE'D LIKE IT MORE!"

"HEY! IF THAT WAS TRUE I WOULDN'T BE IN _THIS_ POSITION WOULD I!"

"AW! WHAT HAPPENED? DID ANDERSON LEAVE YOU FOR MAXWELL!"

_**"I'M NOT GAY!"**_

"THE HAT SAYS OTHERWISE!"

"YOU'RE STILL MAD THAT YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS!"

"I DO _**NOT**_ ENJOY BEING STUCK UNDER _**YOU**_!"

"JUST SHIFT YOUR HIPS!"

_**"I TOLD YOU BEFORE, I CAN'T WHEN YOU'RE ON THEM!"  
**_  
Seras twitched slightly before she kicked the door open. "MASTER! YOU LEAVE SIR INTEGRA ALONE RIGH-" She stopped and looked at them. They were on a twister mat and bent in a position that looked fairly uncomfortable. Alucard was in a slight bridge formation over Integra and was desperately trying to reach the spinner but his finger tips kept pushing it away.

"Police Girl. Good. Can you reach the spinner?"


	2. Questions of Sexuality

I know it's probably been a year, maybe more since I wrote anything for Hellsing, much less anything for this and I would like to apologize for the wait some people had for this sequel/chapter. I've been trying to think of something to do for this for a while and haven't been able to figure it out, and then it, quite literally, came to me in a dream so please enjoy.

Oh, and I would also like to thank all the people that left me such wonderful reviews! You've been making my days for a while with such awesome feedback!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Hellsing in anyway shape or form, sadly...

Chapter 2: Questions of Sexuality

Integra stormed through the halls of the Hellsing manor, those she passed ducked out of her way the moment they saw the gun clenched in her hand, fearing for the worst but not actually realizing she had just returned from target practice. For the past half hour she'd been calling Walter with no response and was more then a little irritated and found herself concerned, never had he failed to answer a summon from her before.

She paused outside the door that led into the room she knew to be her servants but shook her head, reasoning that he never stayed in bed during the day; and was about to move on when she heard him speak quietly.

"Alucard, we shouldn't be doing this, if Sir Hellsing were to find us-"

"Oh calm down, Walter, Integra is probably keeping busy with paper work or at the shooting range, besides, has she ever come into your room?"

"That is beside the point, Alucard, she might need something."

"If she does she'll call." Was the vampire's calm reply and the sound of a drawer being pulled out.

"She **has **called, several times." There was a pause before he groaned. "Alucard... we don't have time for that."

"We'll make time, now sit down. No, not like that, like this." Another pause before the vampire spoke again with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Here, let me show you."

She pressed her ear to the door, listening to the quiet sound of clothes shifting as they shuffled about for a moment and then Alucard laughed quietly and Walter gave a small chuckle.

"Picky aren't you?" Was Walter _teasing _Alucard? She thought to herself, brow furrowed in confusion and concentration.

"Am I ever not?" The vampire retorted, oh yes, she could just _hear _that damned smirk. "Can you get it up?"

"Of course I can, I'm not incompetent."

"You mean impotent." Alucard corrected almost automatically.

"That either..." Walter muttered.

"It's going to fall if you don't stop shaking."

"No it's not, stop being so fussy Alucard."

"I'm not being fussy, I can see it leaning already; it's going to fall."

"If you're so perfect you do it." Walter ordered, his voice deadly calm and Integra raised an eyebrow as she leaned away from the door, what the hell..? Surely they wouldn't be doing anything like _that_, with Alucard you never know, but _Walter_?

"Fine, I will. Move a little so I can get to it."

"You can reach it from there."

"Just move. That's the problem with you mortals, you get old and suddenly you can't get it up anymore."

"I can get it up just fine."

"I remember you having a much easier time when you were younger."

"My hands didn't shake as much then."

Integra eased the door open a little and saw Walter seated on the floor with his back to her and Alucard sitting in front of him, hands moving between them steadily and head down in concentration before he smirked.

"There, perfect." The vampire declared with a grin. "Your turn."

She watched as Walter leaned forward, his hand extended, reaching towards... Alucard maybe? No... Even Alucard wouldn't stoop to that... Would he? She pushed the door open fully and took a step in, one hand on her hip, the other aimed the gun between Alucard's eyes.

"What the hell are you doing!" She demanded, watching Walter jump and heard a loud crash and saw a couple wood blocks scatter across the floor before Alucard burst into laughter and pointed at Walter before yelling.

"JENGA! That has to be the shortest game we've ever had! Not even one move!"

Integra felt her eye twitch slightly.

**It anyone has ANY ideas for the next one please, PLEASE, e-mail me at sephiroth .tribal (at) gmail . com (without the spaces)or contact me on MSN, my contact is the . prince . of . fire (at) gmail . com(also without the spaces) but if you do this PLEASE tell me who you are and that you read this or I'll probably get freaked and block you. Or you could just leave a review(those are always nice!).**

**If you do leave an idea please give me a scenario rather then just a pairing as those don't really help me much. Give me game suggestions, anything and I'll see what I can do with them.**

**_Thanks in advance!_**


End file.
